The mystery of the testosterone

"Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do. But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion." 1 Corinthians 7: 8-9

So said the single St Paul, who wrote this in prison. The cold stony walls of his jail cell served to build up, rather than to contain, his angst and passion, which he characteristically expressed in his letters.

I believe, however, his prison was more than physical. He was isolated from the outside world by his zeal for the new Christian faith, which in the time of the Roman Empire was a magnet for punishment. Nevertheless, the same plight- that of loneliness- seems to affect many people nowadays who share two of St Paul’s traits- being single and male

The battle hymm of the bachelor

With the increasingly stressful economy and the shifting away from the traditional views of marriage, single men-an enigma of modern society- are populating the world insidiously. Some choose to be single because they want to focus on their career and earning more money. Some want to have more fun, some may have been hurt by previous relationships and some are afraid of commitment. Some have not yet seized the opportunity and some, to put it very tactfully, lack the ability to be anything other than single.

Whatever the reason, I’ve found it widely true that the path of singlehood is fraught with its struggles. Having spoken to a few of my fellow singles, I’ve learnt that, like in my own case, a sense of emptiness and loneliness pervades their lives. There seems to be this sense of aimlessness and restlessness and it really manifests itself. From my own observation, males who are attached seem to have a greater sense of responsibility, and those who are single either tend to be roving, raving, female crazy animals or Peter Pans stuck in a childhood that no longer exists.

It’s the testosterone, silly

What of this strange feeling in a man that I’ve talked about above? It is not simply an eerie esoteric beastly instinct. From a chemical point of view, I daresay a man’s aggressiveness and hunger come from the hormone testosterone. It is like a wild animal that seeks release, although any mishandling leads to dire consequences.

I hope this offends no one, but consider why the Catholic church of today is fraught with its sexual scandals. I believe a leading reason to be the vow of celibacy taken by priests. The natural healthy instinct for woman, after its suppression, has thus mutated into something more awful. You notice that other religious leaders don’t usually get involved in such sensational scandals, and I’d say it is mainly because they are allowed to marry. (However, I can’t explain the case for Buddhist monks who also don’t marry. Maybe it’s because they don’t come into regular contact with a congregation. Or maybe they are just better, I don’t know)

Closer to home, you may have heard stories about how testosterone manifests in less than desirable ways. Quarrels, violence, abuse, or just plain obnoxiousness and inflated egos. Scary isn’t it? A chemical that aims to unite us men with women can end up making us more isolated.

A new hope

It seems sad to be stuck in a vicious cycle that ensures the continuation of the single status to eternity. But is there really no meaning to being single?

In finding that meaning, I really need to scrape the bottom of the barrel. Excuses have been given by the sources I’ve combed through: “You need to be complete as an individual before you get into a relationship”- It’s like telling a starving man to eat only when he stops feeling hungry. “Singlehood allows you to find yourself or pursue other things in life”- In my most cynical hour I’ve found this a little lame, just like how you’d console yourself with lamb chop after you missed a beef steak. Nevertheless, I have to concede that somewhere out there, your singlehood may have had a purpose for the wider cosmos.

Consider now our good friend St Paul- imagine if he had found a good wife, who’d occupy his heart and mind with her beauty, who’d soothe his heart and body with loving words and caresses. The righteous anger and verve, trademarks of his letters in the Bible, would be dissolved by the webs of marital bliss. Christianity would not be what it is today. Moreover, as you might know, given that St Paul had strong views about family structure and homosexuality among other things, the world today even beyond Christianity would thus be drastically different. (Surely any elaboration is unnecessary for the reader well informed about world issues. In any circumstance it can be left to another article)

What would your singlehood mean? A life of self centredness and self absorption, or a chance to exercise your gifts to change the world (be it for better or worse)? With the dark monster of testosterone fighting to be master of your mind and soul, the path is not easy. But it is through reflection (and prayer) that we can wrestle some control over the beast.