The predicament of the "child man"

"So the child-man is the young guy who finds himself in this new era of preadulthood and doesn't quite feel himself a man, and is of course not a child, but is still very attached to many of his adolescent pleasures, and hangs out a lot with his bros. He's the audience for a lot of the new media that have arisen to entertain him. And I'm referring to Maxim magazine, plenty of cable channels, and characters played by Seth Rogen and Adam Sandler."- Kay Hymowitz, in an interview with mydaily.com

Derm's over. It's the end of an era. I'll be enlisted in the Surgery SIP for the next month and before I go back to camp the hospital I thought I'd share with you a book that I've been reading during the short weekend.

The child man. What an interesting metaphor and picture (see above). They are not extinct in Singapore either. You have the "bro's" and the "dudes" who spend their lives hanging around with their own kind, drinking beer, gaming and whatnot, not taking greater domestic responsibility in their lives. But the question is, should I use "they" or "we"? It is with a little sickening self realisation that I'm not too far from this caricature.

I am a 23 year old guy who's never worked or been attached in his life. My Peter Pan-esque childhood has stretched unnaturally long. Living the life of a student, not earning his own keep, has now become stifling. And let's just say that the only model of manhood I potentially have... is gone. I'm not deluded about working life, I know it can be hell, but there is hope it'll bring along some dignity and the quiet solace that I'm now fully in charge of my own life, not shamelessly depending on a few aunties for pocket money.

That's why reading Kate Hymowitz's book can be even more depressing. In summary, from what I've read so far, I've picked up these points:

1) With the modernisation of society, ladies have become more educated and successful in their careers

2) As such, the traditional dependence on men for protection and providence has been deconstructed

3) Since it's now more redundant for men to step up to the traditional role of the head of household, many "men" channel their energies elsewhere- playing computer games, guzzling down beer, essentially bumming around in life

4) Ladies are on the upward spiral, men go downward, the trend being fuelled by "man-child" and "alpha female" personifications in movies/TV shows by the likes of Adam Sandler and Sarah Jessica Farker respectively. At least that's the case in America.

I would have liked to say that with such putting down of the modern "man", this book has jolted me to greater heights. Disappointingly though, despite the brilliant analysis, Kay Hymowitz has not offered a vision of the ideal 21st century man, a ray of hope that could salvage fallen creatures like us.

A quick check on Wikipedia shows that Hymowitz is married with adult children. Perhaps she could share a little about what made her choose her husband? However, she does not, and her book for all its eloquence remains a mere problem sheet crying the empty call to "man up"

Never mind. I'll offer my own solutions:

1. Study hard, graduate, get a good career. Something you'd be passionate about, that you can make your calling
2. Take up responsibility. I had a friend who told me that if I were to become VCF (Varsity Christian Fellowship) president, I'd get a girlfriend. I'd take this as a joke, because I know if I were to really do it, the line between God and Girl as the ultimate goal would be blurred. But I believe there are other areas you can take up responsibility in and I believe it is primarily in your career, so refer to point 1.
3. Exercise. Whether or not we came from or were intelligently designed to resemble apes, let's be real about the fact that humans have an animal instinct. So guys secretly like their girls to be a little like Anne Hathaway/Kim Kardashian, girls probably choose Orlando Bloom/ George Clooney and the likes. I have completed 2 marathons, 3 halves and 5 mountains (and 1000 buffets/ten course meals). What about you?
4. Travel and adventure. I believe that if all you see were your MRT station or that void deck, it's hard to be engaging to anybody. In the first world, I suspect many women like to engage in conversations about elegant Europe and artistic America. I don't think many Singaporean women would care if you got chased by that cow in Pondicherry, or braved the Vietnamese mountain with no luggage and a sore eye. If you don't have first hand information, at least know about them through books, articles and conversations. And you may start a constructive conversation yourself.

Yep, that's all I can humbly muster so far. The witching hour is coming and with that the brain starts turning into jelly so I'll stop here. Cheers to you all and I hope all my brethren out there will have access to this good book to spur them to greater things.