Kinabalu part 1- The City of Kota Kinabalu

I am quite a cynic of Channel 8 shows and like to make snide remarks everytime something happens. But today while watching Together at 9 o clock I felt a great sense of pity for the character Tarzan who got whacked between the legs and had to have his balls removed as a result. I somewhat felt his physical and emotional pain, the great sense of pity that youth and vitality had to be brutally ended by another person's vicious malice. I dunno. Psychoanalyse me.

Anyway, I finally got down to posting pictures of the fantastic trip I made last week to Mt Kinabalu. It was a very uplifting trip that was fitting as a marker for the midpoint of Medical School, something that I'll remember for years beyond.

The trip can be divided into 3 parts, first being pre climb, second being the climb itself, and third being post climb. Parts 1 and 3 were spent in the city of Kota Kinabalu whereas the middle portion was spent in Mt Kinabalu, a 2 hours drive away. Thus, do not be confused.

Neither should you think that the city is just a pitstop for the trek up the mountain, because the city itself has its own unique attractions as you see here.


The beginning of the trip, however, was one to forget. Andrew was turned back at Changi Airport because his passport was to expire in less than 6 months. He had to spend the next day renewing the passport and buying a new ticket to fly over in time. Needless to say Eliza and I went through Monday pretty much nervous over the outcome as to whether Andrew could join us.
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We spent the first night, Sunday night, in this place known as Akinabalu Youth Hostel, which, as the name goes, puts up young people who are here usually to trek up Mt Kinabalu, or visit nearby attractions. It may not be a 5 star hotel but is a decent place with all facilities present.

Breakfast is provided. This means bread, butter, jam and coffee/tea. DIY. I have no complaints, I mean like I said this is no 5 star hotel

The common area. On the left is the table for youths to chit chat, on the right you have a TV accompanied by an awesome DVD collection, feel free to watch. You can watch the street outside from the window, but scenery is not spectacular

Room

Eliza and I spent Monday bumming around the city, combing through some yucky dirty streets and markets. Not to mention, arranging for the taxi to pick up Andrew. We came to this shopping centre whereby we hung around for the entire afternoon.

What was lunch? So looking at the picture above, I don't think I need to introduce this restaurant any further. But what's spectacular is the prices they offer for their dishes. If you do a currency conversion on Google, you'd find out that what they charge in Malaysia is HALF of what they charge in Singaproe. In short, FREAKING CHEAP

I had this delicious New York fish and chips that was stuffed with cheese. Awesome!

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We spent 3 hours hanging around in Fish and Co since there was nothing much else to do. Anyway, we were awaiting news from Andrew as to whether he could get a ticket to fly over, so no mood to shop and sightsee. I spent the time visiting the nearby Times bookstore, buying cheap Msian DVDs (as per the earlier JB trip) and reading Kazuo Ishiguro's Nocturnes that belonged to Eliza.

Anyway, Andrew managed to make it! Although he had to pay to buy another pricey air ticket. Relieved, Eliza and I celebrated with some dessert nearby. This was yoghurt with some bread like thingy in the shape of a fish that you see in the background. Filled with sesame paste. Must be a unique Malaysian thingy.

While waiting for the taxi to fetch us to the airport we walked down the nearby pier to admire the sunset and here are some pictures.

There was also this market nearby that sold street food. All kinds of things. In all honesty I could have spammed them but I was already loaded with lunch and dessert.

There was more phototaking on my part. I didn't just want to take pictures of the food in the market but also the life around it. Here are some kids playing around, their parents are probably busy tending their stalls.

We made friends with some of the kids who wanted pictures of themselves, but didn't seem to demonstrate an understanding that they could not get them. Unless of course, they have facebook or email. Anyway, such is the innocence of childhood, and maybe Singaporean kids of this age lack that, having been primed by homework and endless tuition sessions.

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Watch how these Kinabalu children were so uninhibited in front of the camera, adorable I say.

Totally not scared of falling into the water.

Eliza showing her motherly instincts, with a brilliant sunset behind.
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We lingered around long after sunset to watch the nightlife. There were gangs of teenagers hanging around and more than one couple making out passionately. Eight o clock came, and we were due to board the taxi, first to Kinabalu airport to pick Andrew up, then to undergo the two hour journey to Kinabalu park.

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More to come...

This year's resolution review

It's the turn of the year! To make it more special, this is when a new decade ushers in too, not just a year. It's the time of the year when I reflect on what has happened in the 12 months before. Many self absorbed entries ahead. Won't make it boring though.

In 2008 I printed out my set of New Year's resolutions and stuck them on the whiteboard in my room as a reminder. However in 2009 all I did was to write them down on the blog and leave them aside. Nevertheless, I have fished them out from the archives and will proceed to review how I've done...

Review of 2009 New Year Resolutions
1. Have good spending habits With the coming of clinicals, this failed, simply because hospital food (as in the one served in food courts) is more expensive than NUS food. There is also always the temptation to hop on to Ben's car and take a ride to somewhere pricey haha. When there are no outings I can say I am quite frugal. And, as long as income keeps coming in, I won't worry so much about spending habits so much. Put it that I am still in the green...

2. Complete a marathon Done! But it was not Stanchart like I expected, but rather the Sundown

3. Not pon any clinicals Nearly accomplished, therefore not accomplished. I ponned Neuro tutorial 1 day before Medicine EOPT. Remember I said clinicals and not lectures. Lectures pontanged were aplenty, meaning to be counted on more than one hand.

4. Maintain my fitness. First half of the year, I'll run once a week (about 10-15km) . I'll also gym once a week if possible. Second half of the year, I'll train for the marathon This was written with Stanchart in mind, thus what actually happened was that the first half of the year I trained and maintained fitness. Second half, quite pathetic, I put on weight. But still fit enough to do the Nike Real Run and climb Mt Kinabalu...

5. Deal with all my relationships responsibly
What are "relationships"? What is "responsibly"?

I tried to be as responsible as possible

It just dawned on me today that I need to have plans or else I'll get nothing done. Like today I was planless and I decided to bum around on the internet instead of doing my CMPS report. Well anyway I am quarter done so not too bad. I have to plan out the rest of the report writing and allocate each part to specific days or else I won't feel the burden to do it.

Back

L to R: Azmi (guide), Eliza, Me, Andrew
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Kinabalu was a blast, but I was reminded today of stark reality when I spent two hours unpacking and washing my stuff, and when Facebook gave me hell lots of problems during picture upload. And when I realised that I have now a figurative mountain to climb since I need to write the CMPS report, write a letter, settle some accounts, lots of other shit.
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Life sucks. That's why we need to travel to escape and be happy. And when we come back, we can't be drunk anymore. We gotta splash water on our faces, wake up and get on with life.
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Next few days, amid the crap I have, I'd be writing about this awesome trip. I promise great pictures of scenery and food. But remember that life is sober. The trip after all, began with trouble at the airport, significant anxiety, and sheer boredom at the shopping mall waiting for Andrew to call. The day I was to travel, someone told me that someone was gone.

Off to climb Mt Kinabalu!!

Ortho was a very long posting that passed very fast. Anyway, the MCQs and OSCA were passable but not spectacular, whereas today's OSCEs were smooth sailing. I have this feeling I did not live up to potential during the Ortho posting, especially since it was likeable. I felt I could have done much more. Although the Patho and Pharmaco CAs provide an excuse to be distracted, I guess they can't take full responsibility.

Anyway I'll just heck it for now cos I'm flying off tml! To climb Mt Kinabalu!

After I come back from the mountain it is another mountain of work waiting for me.

The first Project Handcycling meeting was also held today and things look exciting... more to come

I have reached a stage of enlightenment

I have achieved enlightenment.

I realised that I am no longer afraid of exams.

Ever since Surg EOPT, I realised that my attitude towards exams have become more... casual, I would say. Of course I still take them seriously and study for them, of course I still get frustrated when I don't know details, but the element of fear and anxiety is gone. It's like I feel this eerie unnatural sense of detachment, a quiet confidence that everything will go well.

Not that I am confident of doing well, in fact I would say I am an average student at most. But strangely I feel very calm and sedated even though my smarter counterparts are worried sick over, say, the Ortho EOPT. The mentality is like, I know I've done whatever I've could during the posting so I have enough knowledge required to pass well.

Must be because last year all of us got raped in the ass by like 15 exams, and then the first EOPT I had was the very stressful Medicine EOPT, so by Surg I was quite used to this stuff already.

Today when I got back Patho results I thought I'd fail the exam and get a good kick up the ass to revise. But who knows I got like somewhere in the high 60s, which is around the middle of the pack... again. So, I'm still very chill. Someone help me. I hope I won't get punished on Friday and Saturday.

Maybe this mentality will change come next year's Pros, or during the O&G and Paeds postings.

Of esoteric stuff

The naked eye can see things and people and events. But unknown to it there are some other forces that lie underneath those that can be seen. They form an underlying framework that help influence how things happen. There are some fearful dark forces also.



This is a circle
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Inside the circle represent the things you can control, for example how hard you work and how you react to certain incidents. Outside the circle represent the things you cannot control eg. the weather, unpredictable events, freak accidents.
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Some people like things outside the circle to take responsibility for the undesirable things that happen to them. They will probably blame the weather, their luck, God, etc etc.
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But the trick is, the part of the circle you focus on will grow. So if you focus on the OUTSIDE of the circle, you will be giving so much credit to those external forces that they will grow.
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And your circle shrinks. Like that:










And you slowly lose control over what happens to you. You will be manipulated by the things outside you- the weather, chaos, other people, the internet, the media etc etc. And that can be scary.
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So today when I was praying for salvation and forgiveness, I was reminded of the circle.
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I am not a classical music expert but I do have my personal opinions towards the music I listen to
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Throughout my years of listening to classical music, I've had experiences where I suddenly learn to appreciate a piece which I have usually disliked. An example would be Tchaikovsky's Piano Concerto No. 1. Before last year, I found the melody line very disrupted especially after the first part of the first movement ends and I would lose track of it. I didn't like the piece until sometime 15 months ago I listened to it again in peace and quiet and realised the piece spoke to me. It is now one of my favourites.

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So now I have a similar experience with the Glazunov Violin Concerto. Again, I once thought that the melodic line wasn't captivating enough to sustain my attention, but somehow I've grown more attracted to the piece like someone is attracted to a dark charming woman.

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This piece may not start off with the contemplativeness of Tchaikovsky's Violin Concerto or the cheeriness of Paganini's Violin Concerto, but it has what I call eerie charm. It sounds like someone ruminating over some unpleasant events of the day in a very calm way. For me, the phrase "rest for the weary" would be very apt to describe the piece, at least in the first few movements.

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Then in the last movement, there's this great fanfare and the mood becomes that of a mass celebration. Very surprising, all the more intriguing. After listening to it you'd probably wonder what the composer was thinking when he wrote the piece.

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Here's the first movement played by Jascha Heifetz. I recommend you listen also to Julia Fischer's rendition on Youtube

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I thought about the last post where I mentioned that my world was very small. I have concluded that it was not a statement I made amid pre-exam psychosis. I'm still thinking about it.

The world is small

"Rejoicing"

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I hastily sketched this when I was utterly drained while studying Pharmaco. Had this vision stuck in my mind for the past few weeks or so anyway.

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But Pharmaco isn't really boring. I actually found it interesting to read through the therapeutic seminars to know what drugs to give, and when, and why. It is an art. But when it comes to remembering side effects, mode of action etc... URGH.

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I don't know whether I'm suffering from what I call pre exam psychosis, the syndrome whereby while studying rigorously for an exam, I start having some "out of the world" thoughts. Things that I usually don't think about. But this week I started realising that my world has indeed been becoming smaller and smaller. Had this talk with Raymond the other day and he shared the same view.

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I told him this trend, that in primary school I pretty much got to mix with everybody (although NYPS was pretty atas already), then as I went on to my secondary school and JC my social circle was narrowed. This meant that my friends were pretty much of the same type- academically successful, affluent.

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In my opinion Medical School has been all the more a bottleneck. All the people around me have really been the cream of the crop, from top JCs, graduated with excellent A level results, with some particular talent or so. Many of them are rich, if not at least affluent. So what you see here are people, me included, who really aren't lacking in anything materially. To top it off, we are bonded, so we don't have to worry about finding employment after graduation, like it or not. (Residency is another issue)

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But that means I have not seen the world beyond, whereby people struggle and face problems I can't imagine. For example, the minister Yaacob Ibrahim highlighted the plight of poverty stricken Malay-Muslim families in the newspaper recently. And, there was another recent case of this Msian guy who was sentenced to hang for drug trafficking. The issue of his hanging was discussed in The Online Citizen and I somewhat got involved in it. More on that next time perhaps. But it is this latter incident that triggered off the thought in me that I have not really seen the world, that I have been stuck in my comfort zone.

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Am not being coherent. Maybe today's rote learning damaged my brain. But sometimes I think I live in an artificial world. I chit chat with people about medical school and relationships and a lot of random things and I give them a lot of crappy jokes. But sometimes there is an element of artificiality in it I can't pin point. Some self absorption

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I hate poems but this one came to my mind. Here's presenting Sheltered Garden by Hilda Doolittle:

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I have had enough.

I gasp for breath.

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Every way ends, every road,

every foot-path leads at last

to the hill-crest --

then you retrace your steps,

or find the same slope on the other side,

precipitate.

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I have had enough --

border-pinks, clove-pinks, wax-lilies,

herbs, sweet-cress.

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O for some sharp swish of a branch --

there is no scent of resin

in this place,

no taste of bark, of coarse weeds,

aromatic, astringent --

only border on border of scented pinks.

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Have you seen fruit under cover

that wanted light --

pears wadded in cloth,

protected from the frost,

melons, almost ripe,smothered in straw?

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More over here- http://www.cichone.com/jlc/hd/hd8.html

Cannot think of a title

I guess I need a good rest very soon. I, although I'm not the only one, have been working for six months straight. Medicine posting was very information intensive and all of us were very stressed by the daunting EOPT. Surgery was less heavy but required a lot of time and very little sleep. Ortho was, as I've mentioned, enjoyable, but was plagued by Patho and Pharmaco CAs.

So I need time to recharge and be chill for about one week or so. Don't think a trip to Mt Kinabalu sounds like a time to be lazy and laid back, but I just hope that everything will work out and it will be enjoyable and... please... no rain. Otherwise I think my "one week break" is simply packed with stuff. Gotta find some ways to take a good rest.

I don't know whether I'm fast at studying or just lazy, I just feel that the tempo of life has slowed down a lot these few days. I want to study but I feel I have "ran out of things to study", and I don't see the point in repeating the motion of studying again and again. I hope I would not get punished on Tuesday's exam...

Of patients

I admit, if anything, this year has made me reflect deeply on myself. Who I am, what I value, what are my principles, what I have done.

Went to the paeds-ortho clinic today and saw mummies and daddies bringing their kids in to see the doctor. I was reminded of the good old days of my childhood where I had Mummy and Daddy to protect me and take care of me. Now, the relationship is more mutual. Sure my Mum does take care of me (not in a pampered disgusting way), but I also need to ask her how things are going, run errands for her. The stuff we discuss includes more administrative stuff like money, future job plans, housework, insurance etc etc.

Last Friday Benlyn, June and I went to see this patient whom we taught had an interesting history. Turns out it was really nothing much. But I had great fun talking to that guy, who had grand ideas about the world, of stuff like capitalism and identity. To think of it, his arguments were not impressive, just very intellectual sounding, but I enjoy speaking to this kind of patients for a change. Gave me his blog address too

Turns out he actually has a histrionic personality disorder and is on drugs for that. That explains those big bombastic words and grand ideas. And I was the only one absorbed in the conversation with him. Benlyn and June probably wanted to kill me for talking to him for so long, had to kick my leg and drag me away.

The day before that was spent at the spine clinic at the atas Kent Ridge Wing. I saw big strong Caucasian men coming to see my mentor for back pain, either idiopathic or due to incorrect posture during sports. The physical exercise that they liked to do had to be stopped for a long time because of the facet joint degeneration/spinal stenosis. Now I tried to imagine myself being forced to stop running because of back problems. I also realised that some ailments can affect the perfectly strong and healthy too.

I watched my back in the weekend after that.

Of hands

My drawing isn't just for fun or showing off, but also serves a functional purpose, which is to make me concentrate. Like today. I was at home the whole day studying for pharmaco/ortho and about 2115 I couldn't really take it. So I whipped out my old sketch book for a sketch of my own left hand.
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Drawing helps you focus on the details and cultivates patience. However, this very picture was quite hastily drawn (in less than an hour) and I did skip some details here and there. A line here, a crease there, but I guess the overall product can be recognised as a hand.
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I didn't really go back to studying with a totally tranquil mind but I felt more stable. Anyway, my mother liked the picture a lot.

Gotta major distraction problem nowadays. Can't really concentrate on my studying without being lost in my own thoughts.
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This other picture was drawn a few weeks ago while I was at the Central Library studying with Benlyn. Again, I was bored and I sketched on my own Orthobots manual. Some weeks later some friends saw this in the lecture theatre and liked it a lot.
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This was drawn even further back on a random Saturday night, but isn't too good.

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I tried to be humble during this post but I realise hypocrisy is a greater sin than arrogance. I think I actually can draw well, but of course better illustrators out there are fully welcome to critique. The point of posting these pictures is also to share how I'm learning and what I think when I get bored and draw.